you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
