it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
