I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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