Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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