No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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