I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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