Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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