She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
third nipple confirmed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
