I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
