watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
