i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
