I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
