this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
