I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
