i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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