you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
