Yo dont text me then not text me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
