Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
