If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
