i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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