im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
