yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
