You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize