so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm too high and old for this...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
