the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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