a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
