Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
