Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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