you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
