I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
