K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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