You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
