I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
