I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
