she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
