he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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