We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
