Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize