If that was your dad, he is hot
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
