There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
