Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
