you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
