apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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