Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
