I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
