I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize