and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love having hate sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
