youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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