She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
