she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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