Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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