it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
