I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We don't watch enough power rangers
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
