Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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