party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
