He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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