whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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