I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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