But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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