Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
