Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
