My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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