You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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