I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
