Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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