Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
