How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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