Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
