I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
