omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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