genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
