That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
