Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize