hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
