apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
