I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I believe in your delicious
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